Jerusalem 1099 AD
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. This is what they taught us back home. This is what God said to his prophet Moses to write down, as His commandment. But what does it truly mean? It's about cursing God, swearing to God? When I was young, I thought like that. I could not understand the full meaning of blasphemy. I learned that with a hideous way. What can you say? I am a young Templar. They filled my mind with "God's will" and "God's Work" and "You shall be the protectors of the Holy Church". It was only soon after when I started to realise the real purpose of the campaing. No God. No actual interest of the Holy Land. Only political games. The fear of the raise of the Turks. The wish to distinquish the Orthodox Church with their "corrupted" Patriarch, who dared to oppose the mighty Catholic Church. Urban was such an arrogant man. He and his collaborators, this monk Peter the Hermit and some Princes and Kings of the West, managed to raise an army to march against the Muslim infidels. "Deus Vult!" they said. But we soon realised, God had nothing to do with all that.
It was a big journey to Jerusalem. Many battles, to many. I have witnessed terrible things. And I have yet to complete a third decade to this world. From Nicaia, to Acra and Antioch, to Jaffa and then Jerusalem. The whole point of taking Jerusalem, was to "free the Christians of the diabolical Muslims". This was the story they told us. Pilgrimage attacks, the destruction of the Holy Sepulchre from the "Mad Caliph". And we, as God's people, we should bring justice to this anti-Christ Caliph. I do not think that the stories are true. True, maybe the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was trully destroyed, but we rushed and condemned a whole nation, for the actions of one man. I met many people during my journeys. Some good people. I started to question the moral ground our campaing was built upon. Killing was not the way of Christ. "Turn the other cheek", that's what He said. I met a Greek monk when we took Antioch. "There is no beauty to a man killing an image of God". That's what he said. "Not even for your country?" I asked. He looked at me and smiled, with saddness in his face. "Not even for God Himself". It was devastating for me. He was a true man of God, and what was I? Nothing. A mere killing machine.
And so we marched against the holy city, Jerusalem. The Fatimids were smart people. They had expelled all the Christians from the city, just in case they turned against them during battle. Also, they cut down every tree in a 60 mile radious, so we could not raise siege weapons. That was smart, n=but also a mistake. Our leaders were furious. They had been through so many things, and this... They had been beaten up badly. In just a few days, we were ready for battle. This monk, Peter, was giving sermons to light up the broken hearts of the men, with promises of the Paradise and eternal gratitude from God. Such a simpleton! He also called all the priests, Latin and Greek, to do a Thanking Leitourgy to God, after they would have taken the city. And so the battle began. A fierce battle. Many dead from both sides. Our goal, capture the walls, and then the city is ours. Our haerts and minds were still standing in the hope that that was it. A last battle. A lst step in the hell we created. But we were so wrong. This day, was the worst day in our hell. The day that God turned his back against us, unable to watch us do these... these unspeakable things in His name.
After we took the walls of the city, we marched to the palace to seize it and doing that, gain control of the city. While marching on the streets, some Prince, Baldwin I think, with his men, started bursting into the civilian houses taking them out, burning their belongings, torturing them and then killing them. And the sack of the Holy City began. The men with a great shout, they rushed to the city streets, burning, killing, raping. A rampage of blood and fire. We put to the sword everyone, without discrimination. I have many horrible memories on my mind. Men turned to animals this day. We made our God be Satan. Without consiousness. Some thought to take shelter to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. They thought that, as Christians, we would honour the house of our God and prevent the killings. In this temple, 10.000 were killed. Indeed, if you had been there, you would have seen our feet coloured to our ankles, with the blood of the slain. But waht more shall I relate? None of them were left alive; neither women nor children were spared. We were swimming in the blood of our enemies. Now a new day starts. I could not find sleep, after that horrible day. I cannot live with myself, not after what I saw. I tried, I really tried to prevent all of that. But I am a soldier. Noone listens to a soldier. I hope that the souls of the martyrs we slained, forgive me. I hope God forgive me. I cannot find peace to anywhere but God. I have found a monastery to the desert of Sinai. I cannot live with myself. I will devote my life to God, for real this time and hope that one day, many years from now, I will earn His forgiveness.
It was a big journey to Jerusalem. Many battles, to many. I have witnessed terrible things. And I have yet to complete a third decade to this world. From Nicaia, to Acra and Antioch, to Jaffa and then Jerusalem. The whole point of taking Jerusalem, was to "free the Christians of the diabolical Muslims". This was the story they told us. Pilgrimage attacks, the destruction of the Holy Sepulchre from the "Mad Caliph". And we, as God's people, we should bring justice to this anti-Christ Caliph. I do not think that the stories are true. True, maybe the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was trully destroyed, but we rushed and condemned a whole nation, for the actions of one man. I met many people during my journeys. Some good people. I started to question the moral ground our campaing was built upon. Killing was not the way of Christ. "Turn the other cheek", that's what He said. I met a Greek monk when we took Antioch. "There is no beauty to a man killing an image of God". That's what he said. "Not even for your country?" I asked. He looked at me and smiled, with saddness in his face. "Not even for God Himself". It was devastating for me. He was a true man of God, and what was I? Nothing. A mere killing machine.
And so we marched against the holy city, Jerusalem. The Fatimids were smart people. They had expelled all the Christians from the city, just in case they turned against them during battle. Also, they cut down every tree in a 60 mile radious, so we could not raise siege weapons. That was smart, n=but also a mistake. Our leaders were furious. They had been through so many things, and this... They had been beaten up badly. In just a few days, we were ready for battle. This monk, Peter, was giving sermons to light up the broken hearts of the men, with promises of the Paradise and eternal gratitude from God. Such a simpleton! He also called all the priests, Latin and Greek, to do a Thanking Leitourgy to God, after they would have taken the city. And so the battle began. A fierce battle. Many dead from both sides. Our goal, capture the walls, and then the city is ours. Our haerts and minds were still standing in the hope that that was it. A last battle. A lst step in the hell we created. But we were so wrong. This day, was the worst day in our hell. The day that God turned his back against us, unable to watch us do these... these unspeakable things in His name.
After we took the walls of the city, we marched to the palace to seize it and doing that, gain control of the city. While marching on the streets, some Prince, Baldwin I think, with his men, started bursting into the civilian houses taking them out, burning their belongings, torturing them and then killing them. And the sack of the Holy City began. The men with a great shout, they rushed to the city streets, burning, killing, raping. A rampage of blood and fire. We put to the sword everyone, without discrimination. I have many horrible memories on my mind. Men turned to animals this day. We made our God be Satan. Without consiousness. Some thought to take shelter to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. They thought that, as Christians, we would honour the house of our God and prevent the killings. In this temple, 10.000 were killed. Indeed, if you had been there, you would have seen our feet coloured to our ankles, with the blood of the slain. But waht more shall I relate? None of them were left alive; neither women nor children were spared. We were swimming in the blood of our enemies. Now a new day starts. I could not find sleep, after that horrible day. I cannot live with myself, not after what I saw. I tried, I really tried to prevent all of that. But I am a soldier. Noone listens to a soldier. I hope that the souls of the martyrs we slained, forgive me. I hope God forgive me. I cannot find peace to anywhere but God. I have found a monastery to the desert of Sinai. I cannot live with myself. I will devote my life to God, for real this time and hope that one day, many years from now, I will earn His forgiveness.
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